At some point in our lives all of us feel different from the people around us, like an outsider in some way. Perhaps we are travelling to a new country or just trying out a cafe in the next neighbourhood but we are programmed psychologically to notice the differences between us and other people. From a biological perspective it helps us to recognise family, safety and receive what we need. The problem with this primal programming in our modern world where we move around much more is that it can trigger us to feel unsafe in some way. The feeling of not fitting and feeling alone is common to all of us at times. It can become a deep unspoken need to belong. As a result, many people spend their lives unconsciously searching for connection at all costs. Maybe you’ve done this by getting into a relationship you know isn’t good for you, changing your hair, clothes, lifestyle, hanging around people you want to be more like, by moving house, or city or even country, trying to connect to something, someone, so you can finally feel that you really belong…

The mistake we make is that we are looking outside of us for something that can only ever be found within. It is part of the trap the matrix has us I bought into. It makes us consume more, want more, feel discontentment with who we are and what we have, which in turn keeps us in feelings of isolation, not being good enough, not having enough, frustration, resentment and loneliness.

The trick is to recognise that belonging can never come from outside of us, it does not come from a place, person or thing although at times these can substitute for a while. The single truth of life is that change is constant, so relying on something outside of us that, in the end is bound to change, for our sense of belonging will fail.

Let me guide you for a moment and show you the doorway to belonging…

Take a deep breath in.

Take a few deep breaths in.

Every time you breath out relax a little more.

Breathe right down into your belly and close your eyes.

Stay here breathing.

This is the only place you belong.

Inside of you is your home. And it can feel scary, when we don’t trust ourselves, when we aren’t comfortable in our own skin, when we dislike something about our character or parts of our body, when our thoughts are hurtful to us, when we have been hurt, abused, rejected, felt unloved and worthless, when we are the last person we want to get to know. The wound we have to heal, the difficulty we have to overcome, is that a long time ago we decided inside us, who we are, wasn’t enough, was wrong.

There are three keys to unlocking a deep meaningful sense of knowing you belong that is unshakeable.

1. Find the answer to the question “who am I?”. Get to know yourself. In my work I often hear people say, “I don’t know who I am” and that is a great place to be. Getting to know yourself, who you are, your gifts, connections, inspirations, what you like and like less is important. This means spending time alone, out from the influence of family, friends and media. Carving sacred time for you. Understanding your emotions, your triggers, your history, your desires. You can do this by meditating, by journaling, practicing yoga or simply sit and look at yourself in the mirror and notice what you notice. Really look at you, look into your eyes and ask yourself any questions yet unanswered. You already know the answers if you can be present with yourself long enough to hear them.

2. Become the parent you always wanted. There will have been at least one moment where you haven’t felt loved and safe. For many of us we were young children when we first felt this, we were weak, small and felt unprotected. Much of our sense of not belonging can come from feeling abandoned in some way as a child because the people we belonged to didn’t keep us safe. Getting to know your inner child is essential to healing and becoming a whole adult. Only when we feel safe with ourselves do we believe we belong unconditionally where we are. 

If you haven’t reconnected with the younger you already don't worry, try a meditation, close your eyes and imagine somewhere you loved as a child, a happy place and invite your inner child to join you. Let them show up as they need to, they could be any age and may come running for a hug or could hang back scared. Remember they are a part of you that felt abandoned and alone so will need to build trust again and sometimes that can take time. Keeping your promises to yourself, booking in things you liked to do as a child, listening to them, talking to them, writing them a letter, making time for play and fun in your life will bring you closer and once your inner child knows you have got them and they belong with you, you will really feel it too.

3. Connect with the divinity within, a little cheesy I know! Now this one can be a bit of a leap but in the end to feel safe in your belonging here on earth you have to know you have the essence of the divine with you and within you. You are sacred, made of the stars and right her and now you belong on earth. Take a look at something you admire in nature and realise that the universe thought one of you was exactly what the earth needed right now as well. You are unique, there has been and never will be anyone that entered via the portal you did at the exact time and place you did when you were born. That doesn’t mean you are perfect, far from it, but you are real and worthy. Real and worthy in your emotions, in your expression, in your actions. Be you and recognise the part of you that is perfectly imperfect divinity.

When you realise you have always been wanted just as you are, loved for everything you have done, and haven’t done, that you are enough… you will know you belong here. And your search will be over.

You made it home.

You have belonged all along. 

To find out more about how I can guide you to deepen in these steps see the journeys and sessions available with me on this site DivineEnergetics.Co